I've met a lot of really cool, interesting, unique, awesome, fantastic people since moving to Germany...but I've also met a lot of crazy, psychotic, mentally insane weirdos. As my time here draws to a close, I would like take a moment to pay tribute to the top five strangest/most hilarious people I've met since moving to Germany. I hope this post gives you a good laugh at my expense.
#5: The Librarian Who Made Me Cry
Do you have a personality trait that is both positive and negative and can serve as a massive asset or a huge liability? Well I do - stubbornness - aka my unwillingness to give in. Unfortunately, it's impossible to be stubborn and hold your ground when you're arguing in a language you barely speak. Four days before Spring Break, my teacher assigned a very large term project. In order to complete the project, I needed access to an online media database. The only way I could access this database was by getting a library card and logging in via the university passcode. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong! After class, I went down to the library, walked up to the desk, and said in broken German "Ich möchte ein Bibliothekskarte" (I would like a library card). The woman pointed to a computer and told me to fill out a form online and then come back. No problem! I went over, filled out the form, got back in line, got to the front, gave her my passport and student id...and then she started rambling on in German. Oh shit, what's she saying? "Um. Entschuldigung. Sprechen Sie Englisch?" (Sorry. Do you speak English). Her English skills were on par with my German skills, so it made for a very interesting conversation. Anyways, to make a long story short, I finally figured out that she needed another form - some city or university document that contained a bunch of personal information. I tried to ask her where I could get this form, but she very rudely informed me she that she didn't know and it wasn't her job to know. To this day, I still have no idea what form she was talking about. After a few minutes of talking to this lady, she looked me dead in the eye and told me to step away from her desk that she could not and would not help me any longer. She then turned, called to the next person in line, and left me standing there helpless, clueless, and library-cardless. I was completely shocked! Did I really just get turned away from the library? Suddenly, my eyes welled up with tears and my nose started to run. Yes, it is true. The mean German librarian not only stopped me from doing my research, but she also put a damper on my stubborn personality and made me cry in the middle of the university library. It was a steller day for ol' Nicole.
#4: Puff Daddy
I turn my attention now to the most awkward man I've ever had the pleasure of "meeting" in a bar. I employ the use of quotation marks because I never actually met him..or talked to him...or danced with him...or interacted with him. A few months ago, Kaitlyn and I were hanging out at our favorite bar listening to the live band. All of a sudden this guy, who we nicknamed Puff Daddy, came up behind Kaitlyn and started staring at me. He was an older man (50s maybe?) with a well developed beer belly and one lone puff of hair on the top of his head. I smiled awkwardly, not knowing what else to do, and then turned back to talk with Kaitlyn. I figured he would get the picture that I wasn't interested and go away, but he didn't! He just kept staring. So I grabbed Kaitlyn's arm and dragged her to a different part of the bar. Five minutes later, he was back, silently staring at me. It didn't matter where we were or who we were talking to - he would just appear out of thin air and stare at me. The crazy part was, we never actually saw him move...one minute we were alone, and then the next minute he would be there. It was pretty funny at first but got really old, really fast. At one point I threw my arms around Kaitlyn's shoulders and told her to pretend we were lesbian lovers. Even that didn't deter him! He literally just stood there staring at me for the better part of an hour. I finally pulled the plug and told Kaitlyn we had to leave. I couldn't stand it anymore - he gave me the creeps big time...
#3: Personal Bubble
I was sitting in the meteorology library studying for my Energy and Climate Policy final when I noticed this guy peering at me from behind the stacks. I glanced up, gave him a quizzical look, and then returned to my notes on nuclear fission. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him approach the table. I figured he was going to ask me a question, so I took my headphones out and looked up. Instead of talking to me, he walked up, stood about 6" from my body, and stared over my shoulders at my notes. I was really unsure of what to do, so I make eye contact with the guy sitting across to me. He gives me a "Do you know this guy?" look, and I respond with my best "Uh. No. So this is kind of awkward..." look. All of a sudden, the creeper starts asking me questions (in english mind you) about nuclear reactions. So not only is this guy invading my personal space, but he is also interrupting my study time and bombarding me with random questions. After hesitantly answering his questions, he starts asking me where I'm from. He then asks me which country in the US I'm from. I try to explain to him that the US is a country and Massachusetts is a state, but he doesn't believe me!! Thankfully, he finally turns around and walks away. This should have been the end of it, but noooo, of course not! He's back! Once again, he stands really close to me and starts staring at me. Now I'm getting freaked out. Is there a massive booger on my face that I don't know about? Suddenly, he thrusts a sheet of green paper in my face and points to a name. He then tells me it's a small village in Canada and asks if I've heard of it. Obviously I have no idea, so I just say no. He then points to another word and goes "This is a lake in Canada. Do you know where this is?" NO! Leave me alone!! Does he leave me alone? Nooo, of course not! He then starts asking me what the population of my home city is. At this point I'm so annoyed that I just put my headphones back in and ignore him. Thankfully, he got the picture and walked away. Meanwhile, the guy sitting across from me is cracking up and enjoying the show - the little tard didn't help me at all!
#2: The Sins of Speaking English
Daniela and I were on the subway home one afternoon, when this woman turned around and started talking to Daniela. We could tell that she was annoyed, but we had no idea what she was babbling on about. She then made a super sarcastic gesture motioning to Daniela to be quiet. Neither Daniela nor I were talking particularly loudly, nor were we talking about anything inappropriate, so we just kind of laughed and continued our discussion. About two minutes later, the woman turns around and goes bat-shit crazy on me. She starts yelling and gesturing and completely freaking out. My first reaction was to laugh, which I'm sure just egged her on. Every single person on the train stopped what they were doing and started watching us. Finally, a woman sitting across the aisle from her spoke up on our behalf - I didn't understand everything she said, but it was along the lines of "They're not doing anything wrong. Just calm down." It's surprisingly just how many Germans have yelled at us for talking English in public places.
#1: The Umbrella Lady
I already told this story many blogs ago, but it's my personal favorite so I'm going to tell it again. My all time favorite encounter with a crazy German person happened in January when my friend from Massachusetts came to visit. I took her to the Reeperbahn during the day to show her what it was like, and of course we ran into all sorts of craziness. When we got off the train, this deranged old lady started yelling at us for no apparent reason. She was even brazen enough to push my friend with the edge of her umbrella. We tried to cross the street, but she stood in front of us screaming and holding out her umbrella. When I tried to walk around her, she reached out and grabbed my arm. Personal bubble, people! Personal bubble!! As we started to walk away from her, she stuck out her umbrella and stabbed me in the butt! I kid you not!! Apparently she's never heard the old wives' tale "Never prod a sleeping bear." My patience with her was already declining, and getting poked with an umbrella did not help the matter. Needless to say, a bucketload of unladylike phrases came spewing out of my mouth.
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